These Close and Closest Things
by GirlonaBridge
Summary: Gillian and Robbie finally get to go out for a meal, some time after series 1 finishes. Fluff with bits of family stuff thrown in.
1. Chapter 1

"These close and closest things: how changed they seem!"

Friedrich Nietzsche, _Human, All Too Human_

* * *

Gillian hears the roar of the engine approaching up the lane when she was in the middle of wrestling with changing her duvet cover. She wriggles out of the armfuls of material and crawles across her bed to peek through the window. Yes, that is them. Robbie's big daft car is already pulling into the yard. Gillian grins, purses her lips, then lets herself grin again, a little sheepish at her own excitement.

'They're back,' she yells, scrambling for the floor and abandoning the wretched duvet to its own devices for the time being. She trots down the stairs and pats her dad on the shoulder as she passes the sofa.

'That our Raffy back?'

'Yup,' she calls behind her, already opening the door. They are out of the car by now, Raff lugging his helmet. Gillian feels the small familiar rush of thankfulness to see him unharmed. It might be daft, worrying about his biking, and she is used to coping, putting it out of mind, but it still makes her glad each week to get him home in one piece.

'All right?' she calls.

'We'd a great day, hadn't we Robbie?' Raff's smile lights up his whole face. Gillian smiles back, gives him a gentle whack on the arm as he pushes past her.

'Watch you don't tramp mud all through the place.'

He is already gone, shouting 'Hiya Grandad' as he clatters into the living room. Gillian stays where she is, swinging on the door frame slightly as she and Robbie look at each other.

'Hello.'

'Hi.' She lowers her voice and feels a different sort of smile begin to creep across her face.

'Are we still on for tonight?' he asks.

'Yup.'

'Half past seven ok for you? Only I've got to get cleaned up.' He looks down at himself and sniffs slightly. Gillian folds her lips together, trying to suppress the wave of inappropriate thoughts that suddenly washes over her.

'Yeah,' she says, a little breathless. 'Got to get me glad rags on too.'

Robbie holds her gaze steadily for a couple of seconds, then he reaches out and moves closer, one large hand coming up to gently brush her hair.

'You're... sorry, it were... sticking up like.' He looks a bit embarrassed. Gillian puts a hand to her hair, flattening it madly.

'It's fine, I was...' Her cheeks redden slightly as she realises she can't tell him what she was doing to get so dishevelled without him understanding why she was doing it. Then she thinks, to hell with it, he might as well know what her expectations are of the night. She looks him dead in the eye.

'I was changing the bedding, on my bed.'

'Right,' Robbie breathes, still pretty close. He nods and, to his credit, he doesn't break her gaze. She wonders briefly if he might kiss her there and then, but he doesn't.

'I'll see you later then.'

'Yeah. See you later.' Gillian watches him down the yard and stays to wave as he drives off. It's funny to be going out on a proper date like this, all arranged and everything. It's funny to be going out with Robbie again after all this time, after all these years, especially, of them not getting on, of her thinking he hated her guts. It's funny how nervous she is. She likes him though, she is sure of that, if only she can get past him being all chivalrous or whatever it is he's playing at. Gillian feels a little thrill go through her. He has run away from her a few times now, when she's wanted him to stay over and it's starting to drive her berserk. If he will only... open up a bit... She thinks she could like him a lot.

'Mum!' A shout from the house snaps her out of her reverie.

'What?' She is inside in a moment, thoughts flying to her dad. 'What's happened?'

'Nothing's happened.' Alan himself is quick to reassure her.

'Wait'll you hear.' Raff is grinning like a mad dog.

'What?' Gillian folds her arms.

'It's not that exciting.' Alan pats the sofa beside him. 'Have a sit down.' The other two both ignore him. Raff can't stand still and Gillian isn't moving until she has got an answer.

'Grandad's asked me to be his best man.' Raff stands up a full two inches taller than normal, pride radiating off him. Gillian's jaw drops.

'Oh love.' She looks between the two of them, her father and her son.

'Oh Dad.' Her face breaks into a grin almost matching Raff's.

'What a lovely idea!'

'Well, it were... it seemed logical,' Alan says quietly. He's looking at the pair of them like he doesn't quite understand what all the fuss is about.

'Oh come 'ere.' Gillian wraps Raff in a big hug and he hugs her back. Alan smiles at them fondly. Gillian drops onto the sofa then and hugs him too. Raff flops down on the other side.

'Thanks Grandad. I'll be honoured.'

Alan laughs. 'Honoured my foot.'

'We'll have to get you a suit.' Gillian leans forward. Raff looks a bit stunned.

'Err speaking of suits,' Alan chips in. 'Shouldn't you be getting suited and booted yourself? For your big night out?'

'Give over.' Gillian nudges him. 'It's nowt.' She can't quite hide her little smile though and her dad shakes his head.

'Oh aye.'

Gillian sneaks a look at Raffy to see how he's taking this. He rolls his eyes. That's all right then. He knows about her and Robbie, of course. In fact, Robbie has possibly said more than she has to the lad. So long as he isn't going to get in a strop about it, Gillian is happy.

'I'm stopping at Jake's house tonight anyway,' Raff announces.

'Are you now?' Gillian's retort is only half-arsed indignation. He's old enough to do what he wants and look after himself, she reckons, and his mates are all right.

'Yeah.' Raff gives her a patented teenager look. 'I'm not stopping in listening to you two...' He draws the line at actually saying "going at it" but he pulls the most hideous face instead. Gillian twitches the cushion out from behind her and lobs it at him.

'Go on then, if you're going, go'n get ready.' She fires another cushion as he raises his arms round his face and makes a run for the stairs, chuckling.

'And mind your own business!' she yells after him. As she collapses back against the cushions again, Alan takes her hand and pats it. She turns her head to look at him.

'You all right Dad?'

'Grand love.' He smiles softly at her. 'You have a good time tonight. You deserve it.'

* * *

**Thank you to everyone who read Our Numbered Days. I adore Gillian so that must be why I find myself writing Gillian/Robbie when I am normally a femslash writer. I'm very confused - I really did expect to write Caroline/Kate stuff but the right story hasn't come to me yet.**

**I hope this is ok and if anything does sound off, please tell me!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you lovely people for reading and reviewing! There will be more. There will even be more Robbie at some point, sorry he got left out of this chapter rather but I will, eventually, get to the actual date. Promise.**

* * *

'I'll tell you what,' Alan grumbles, good-naturedly as he shuffles into the kitchen, tying his tie. 'There i'n't half some queue for the bathroom, what with us lot all going gallivanting.' He winks at Raff who is still damp-haired and pink about the ears. Gillian can be heard, rather than seen, as she clatters from room to room upstairs, testing out various pairs of heels.

'There's someone coming up the lane,' she yells. 'See who it is. I'm just...'

'Are you not ready yet Mother?'

'I'll be down in a minute.'

Alan and Raff both head for the door, peering expectantly out into the dusky light as a pair of headlights draw nearer and steadily nearer and eventually sweep into the yard.

'It's Celia.' Alan's voice is warm with delight. He hurries forward towards the car.

'Steady now Grandad.' Raff hovers at his arm until they have navigated the steps. Alan opens the passenger door with a cry of joy and, within seconds, he and his fiancée are wrapped in a hug as tight as they can get.

'Oh Alan.' They lean back from each other slightly to share a fond little kiss. Raff looks away, then back again, secretly revelling in seeing his Grandad like this, but shy of showing it. The driver's door opens and Caroline steps down from the big Jeep.

'All right you two, you'd think you hadn't seen each other in two months, not two days.' She chuckles though and goes forward to give Alan a kiss on the cheek when her mother lets him go.

'Hello Raff. How are you?'

'All right ta, Miss... err... Caroline.' Raff shuffles his feet and sticks his hands in his jeans' pockets. Somehow, she always feels like a teacher to him, even though he knows and likes her by now. In his awkwardness, he misses Caroline's slightly knowing amusement at his reaction.

'Well.' She claps her hands on her jeans. 'Where's Gillian?'

'Oh.' Raff's head shoots up, remembering his manners. 'She's just getting ready. Come on inside. She said she'll be down in a minute. I'll put kettle on if you like.'

'No love.' Celia comes over, her arm linked in Alan's, to pat him on the arm. 'We'll not stop for tea, but we're coming in, aren't we Caroline?'

'Of course.'

Just as they all make it through the door, Gillian comes padding down the stairs, a pair of high heels dangling from each hand. She drops them on the press in the corner and comes forward with open arms, hugging and kissing Celia and Caroline as she tries to apologise for taking so long.

'Ooh yes,' Celia exclaims. 'It's your big night out tonight, isn't it? With Robbie?'

'Well it's not... that big...' Gillian fiddles with the hem of her top.

'Why d'you take so long getting ready then?' Raff joins in teasingly.

'Oi you. If you had to try'n get changed, brush your hair, put make up on, and God knows when was the last time I did that, and try'n get near the bathroom and tidy up round the pair of you at the same time, I'd like to see how long it'd take you. Oh!' She spins round and pounces on the shoes she has brought down. She turns back, holding up one pair in each hand.

'Pink or silver?' Raff groans. Everyone ignores him. Alan looks perplexed.

'They're both nice love.'

'I know but... which ones?' She is suddenly uncertain, her nerves showing through her excitement. After all, it's been long enough since she went out properly like and, a very long time since she went out with someone she shared so much history with, an awful long while since she so badly wanted something like this to go right.

'I'd go with the silver.' Celia looks thoughtful. 'But then, I used to have a pair of silver dancing shoes that I loved to bits. Quite literally.'

'Did you?' Alan's face has taken on a look of astonished wonder as he stares at her, picturing her in silver dancing shoes, somehow managing to see her sixteen-year-old and seventy-six-year-old self merged into one.

'I bet you looked lovely.'

Caroline alone notices that Gillian is getting increasingly jittery. She looks the other woman's outfit up and down with a critical eye, glances from one pair of shoes to the other and pronounces.

'Which pair are more comfortable?'

'What?' Gillian looks taken aback.

'They're both nice and they both go with what you're wearing but you've got to wear them for at least a couple of hours, and you don't want sore feet causing a distraction.'

'Err... yeah. Good thinking.' Gillian gives Caroline a nod of respect and the two women share a grin.

The two of them move quietly into the kitchen as Alan and Celia foregather to discuss the latest wedding plans and Raff earwigs merrily.

'So...' Caroline raises her eyebrows.

'I can't believe I'm doing this.' Gillian looks down at the shoes that are still dangling from her hands.

'I can't believe this is happening in a way.' She tilts her head to look obliquely at Caroline and quirks her mouth.

'It's weird, after all this time, getting worked up like this.' She almost goes to laugh at herself, like she would normally shrug it off, mock her own feelings, but Caroline is not laughing. Her face is soft with sympathy and she is nodding seriously.

'You... know, what I mean...?' Gillian says.

'Ohh God yes.' Caroline looks to the heavens briefly. There is a little smile about her lips when she lowers her head again though, which allows Gillian to pry a bit further.

'Kate?'

'Mmm.' Caroline's eyes go far away and her smile deepens.

'It is weird, you're right. To suddenly feel all these things you haven't felt for ages... years. And to do these things – going out, getting to know a person, opening up to them. You know, I never thought I'd have to do all that again, after John. I never thought I'd get that chance.' Caroline goes quiet, rather surprised by what she has said.

Gillian watches her. She is amazed, at times, by how well she and Caroline get on nowadays. It's not just because of their rocky start but because they are such very different people with different backgrounds and manners and expectations and outlooks on life. But with some stuff, Gillian thinks, they get each other.

'I never thought... after Eddie, I... I never thought about it. I suppose I thought I'd never bother.' They look at each other.

'It can be worth it thought,' Caroline says.

'Yeah?' There is something needing in Gillian's eyes.

'Yes.' Caroline nods very definitely.

'You're really happy, aren't you?' Gillian ducks her head, slightly ashamed of her own nosiness. 'I mean, you're a lot happier than... y'know.'

Caroline takes a moment, but her smile is already saying everything before she speaks. Everything in her life feels as if it has changed in the last few months, although in reality a lot of it is still the same – children, job, mother, house. But now she has Kate to turn to and laugh with and love, Kate to care for her and ask how she's feeling, to surprise her and tease her and teach her how to be a real person and how to do real relationships. And her boys are happier, her Mother is happier. Everything feels more precious and alive than it did those few short months ago when she and Gillian first got to know each other.

'Yes' she says, 'I am.'

'Pink' Gillian says abruptly.

'Excuse me?' Caroline looks baffled. Gillian waves one pair of shoes.

'The pink ones. They're comfier.' She drops her eyes briefly and when she raises them again there's a glint in them. 'You're right. I'll want to be paying attention.'

The moment is broken by Raff's shout from the living room.

'That's him now.' And indeed, there is a crunch of tyres in the yard. Gillian's hand s fly to her hair, dropping both pairs of shoes. She bends to scrabble them together, starts hopping to try and get one on, drops a silver one, then a pink, tries to grab them both and staggers. She catches herself against a cupboard, just as Caroline reaches to save her and Celia, Alan and Raff appear.

'What on earth you doing Mum?' Raff's face is a picture.

'Nothing.' She desperately scrapes her hair out of her face again. Stupid idea, wearing it down. 'I'm just... nothing.'

The old couple exchange glances and try to hide their smiles. Caroline kneels to help pick up the shoes. There is a knock at the door. Gillian ducks her head lower.

'Will you get that Raff?' Alan asks. 'I'll just check I've got everything, right Celia.' With a sympathetic glance at his daughter, Alan guides his fiancée back out of the kitchen.

'I'm being ridiculous.' Gillian's head snaps up and she widens her eyes at Caroline, kneeling beside her. 'I have been out with... tons of blokes, before. I am being ridiculous.'

'Yes,' says Caroline with bland hard-heartedness.

'Why am I being this... ridiculous?' Gillian hisses.

'It doesn't matter,' Caroline tells her, taking her elbow and snatching up the shocking pink shoes that are causing so much trouble. She pulls Gillian to her feet and kneels again, offering her one shoe. Gillian thinks this evening cannot get any stranger and it's hardly begun. She can hear Raff's 'hiya' at the door and Robbie's 'all right', their muttered conversation, probably about her.

'It doesn't matter,' Caroline repeats rapidly as she fastens the buckle, 'because right now you are going to pull yourself together and act like a strong, confident woman who knows exactly what she wants and is totally in control of herself.'

'But I'm not. I'm a...'

'Mess, I know. But you're going to pretend. Now,' Caroline pushes herself to her feet, and brushes her knees.

'Stand up straight.' Gillian automatically responds to Caroline's headteacher voice.

'That's it.' Caroline pats her on the shoulder. Gillian takes a deep breath and raises her head at the very moment that Robbbie walks in and stops in the doorway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you everyone who has read and reviewed. I'm sorry this has taken so long - I've been a very bad fanficcer for ages but there will (eventually) be more. Hope this is ok, I'm a bit rusty and I wrote this on the bus so I blame the bus for any typos. **

**I am so excited they are filming Series 2! Can't wait to see this back on screen again.**

* * *

'This is nice.' Gillian rests her fork on her plate and tilts her head at their surroundings. 'It's not what I would have expected,'

'I said I'd take you somewhere nice.' Robbie looks at her steadily and Gillian fights the urge to look away. She is not used to this intensity of niceness, of caring.

'This certainly qualifies.' It's the fanciest restaurant in town in fact. Gillian is thankful she took him at his word and dressed up. It is just the sort of place that can make her feel uncomfortable. Not tonight though, or not much. She is only peripherally aware of the other diners huddled over their tables, the dim lighting, hushed music and provincially-sophisticated décor. It is a comfortable atmosphere and it's encouraging her to lean a little further forward over their plates to catch Robbie's words.

'I want to do this proper.' The tiny candle flame warms the air between them. Gillian blinks and a smile escapes her. She is being spoiled. She can't remember the last time a man tried to spoiled her like this. She can't remember the last time that spoiling her meant anything other than a box of Roses from her dad or Raffy offering to do the washing up.

'Do you want to get pudding?' Robbie asks, obviously taking this dinner situation seriously.

Gillian sits back and crosses her legs as she reaches for the dessert card. Her shin knocks Robbie's knee Gillian realises just how tiny the table is, just how close they have been sitting. She can feel the thick fabric of his trousers through her tights, the sharpness of bone underneath.

'Sorry.' She tries to jerk away but still notices every shiver of friction as their legs move past each other. She can feel her face growing hot. Across the table, Robbie swallows.

'Sorry,' she says again. 'I'm a clumsy... oaf.' And she waves her hand and almost knocks her wine glass over to prove her point. Catching it just in time, she takes a steadying swig.

'Gillian.'

But when she looks up, Robbie stops and seems to have run out of words. He simply looks at her and she notices his cheeks are slightly pinker than normal. They are being silly, she thinks all at once, as they hold the look through to calmness. They are silly, worrying about making everything perfect and trying too hard. They should just be themselves. If it's going to work between them, this new thing, it will have to be as them themselves.

'Finally got a new fan-belt for the tractor,' she makes a start. 'Got it put in this morning.'

'Oh right. Right.' Robbie takes her cue. 'So you're back on track again?'

'Yup. Thank God. It's a bugger when that thing goes on me. Can't move anything of any size, can't treat the grass, take sheep to the mart, nothing.'

'How old is that thing of yours?'

Gillian purses her lips. 'Raff was not long in school when I got it. And it was second hand, more like fourth or fifth hand.' She frowns. 'Can't remember off-hand.'

Robbie nods and Gillian thinks, credit to him, he might know next to nowt about farming but he's trying.

'How was the race today?' She can try too.

'Thought you didn't like the biking.' Robbie raises his eyebrows.

'I don't.' She drops her voice in honesty. 'But Raff loves it, and it's your thing so...' She looks at him, out of words and more open than she has ever let herself be with him.

'It scares me.' Her voice drops even lower and Robbie has to lean forward until he can almost feel the breath of her words on his face as her lips move.

'It scares me, that something could happen... that I might lose him. I couldn't bare it, I couldn't live with it if, anything happened to him.

'I do look out for him, y'know.' Robbie's voice is as soft as hers and his gaze shifts slowly from her lips up to meet her eyes. 'And it's his life Gillian.' He has said that before, harshly, but now the words are gentle as an apology.

''I know.' She licks her lips and catches the lower one in her teeth. 'We all have to do our own thing.'

They breathe together like that for a few moments, inches apart over the flickering candle. Then a hovering waitress intrudes and they break away, catch their breath, and order dessert.

.

'So is this us then?' Gillian asks when she is dipping a spoon into chocolate mousse. 'Going steady?'

'If that's what you want.' Robbie's eyes light up but she can tell he is holding himself back. 'I meant what I said, Gillian. We could make a good team and you know I like you.' He takes a breath and gathers himself before he continues. 'I've liked you for years.'

Gillian nods, accepting the effort it took him to say that.

'And I really am sorry,' he takes her hand, a little clumsy but very tender. 'About all that shit I talked.'

Gillian nods again. She would rather they didn't bring Eddie into this tonight but she supposes he's already there, between them. She concentrates on the warmth of Robbie's hand around hers, the firmness of the skin on his palm, the strength in his fingers, the gentle pressure of his thumb in the heel of her hand.

'I suppose, I was jealous.' Robbie sounds uncharacteristically small and Gillian searches his face in surprise. This is something new, something she doesn't understand.

'Of Eddie. I was always a bit jealous and I felt guilty, about it. Y'know. Especially after.'

Gillian isn't sure she does know. She's not sure her brain can quite keep up. She's not at all sure how she feels about this apparent new side of Robbie. It is too strange and confusing that he is telling her this when he's acting nicer than he has in a decade. Her thoughts pile up until it's only the simplest one that gets out of her mouth.

'I never knew you were a jealous person.'

'I try not to be. I don't like it. I really do try... to keep a lid on it. I never liked that in our Eddie, how jealous he was over everything. I didn't want to be like that. I don't want to.'

He stops and they stare at each other, locked in the moment where Robbie has criticised his brother out loud for the first time either of them can remember.

'I don't like it. Jealousy.' Gillian says at last.

'No.' Robbie drops his head. She really isn't sure what she thinks about this. She doesn't know if this means that Robbie is going to be jealous over her. She doesn't know if she can deal with that again, or if she wants him enough to put up with it. What she does know is that when he sighs and starts to pull back, her hand tightens around his and her fingers curl between his fingers.

'If you can, keep a lid on it, we'll see how we get on.'

Robbie nods and rubs his free hand across his mouth and Gillian finds herself staring. She wonders what his lips feel like to touch and the soft skin between them and the stubble of his beard. She has kissed him a few times and touched his face a little, pressed her hands against his cheekbones, but she hasn't fully explored him. She wonders just how much he has changed in the twenty-odd years since they went out a bit, before Eddie. Some changes she can see, some she can sense, but she wonders just how many more there are that she doesn't know yet. A longing swells up inside her - to know this man minutely, intimately, slowly; to take time with him. It is an ache deep in her belly and it's stronger than the fear that flutters up after it as she tells herself that to know Robbie like that, she will have to let him know her too. The ache is stronger even than the hot sweep of desire that is more familiar, less scary. If it was only that pleasant rush that she felt, she could have taken him to bed any time and she is dead certain that they would have had a good shag and gone back to hating each other within days. But this darker, more persistent longing promises something more.

'Are you all right?' Robbie asks, breaking into her thoughts, and his fingers shift against the back of her hand and his smile is open and easy with just a tingle of nerves.

'Yeah.' Gillian smiles back. Her skin buzzes where they touch. A draught as the waitress passes their table carries the scent of him to her, clean and musky. Her excitement bubbles a little harder.

'There is one thing though.' She waits until she has his gaze then slides her leg against his again, deliberately.

'If we are going to make a go of this...' She presses her knee forward to meet his. She hears him swallow.

'You need to stop running away from me.'


End file.
